Sometimes life really sucks

Yesterday we decided that we were keeping our dog Nika alive for ourselves.  I contacted our vet and she said that if she had enough narcotics she would come out on Sunday (travelling Vet.. not a clinic.. she comes to our home so doesn't have all the drugs on hand all the time, but we don't have to take Nika away from home)  I just went to check on Nika.  She is outside (in the shop.. wouldn't come in when we called)  She hasn't eaten in days (what she did have came back up)  She got up when I helped her, but she wouldn't move.  She just wanted to stay there. It is sad, but she is not happy.  I know it sounds awful, but I almost hope she will die soon.  She is so unhappy that if Danielle had to order the drugs in she will suffer more.    Just venting.. I know it is best for Nika, but she has been in our family for  14 years.. she was an abused rescue. She will be 16 in May.  Sometimes I really hate having pets.