Yesterday there was a meeting out in Selkirk-the first since Aug of last year. I found myself annoyed at the interruption to my isolation. This annoyance isn't healthy thinking. I was quite comfortable in my slide toward being a depressed, isolated old woman--not even an old lady--an old woman. My whole brain has become more active since starting to make plans for the following morning on Saturday evening--setting alarms, getting papers and pens ready, and deciding what to wear. What a wake up call! We actually met without masks, except when we were up and moving around, and at widely separated positions, using several more tables than usual. It was a good meeting, and I have several chores to complete as a result, but I'm still in somewhat of a state of resentment this morning. But--my brain is waking up. I have already solved two studio problems, and re-considered one significant decision. I woke up with more energy this morning. I obviously have become quite complacent in my isolation.
At the same time, I have to look at the positive aspects of isolation. David and I learned get along, and in a slightly different way, during our time together and I treasure a slightly new and different relationship, even after all these years. I don't want to lose that, and will have to consciously work at maintaining it.
Those are my thoughts for today. I'm going to have to give this whole thing a whole lot more thinking. I was worried about facing a somewhat negative future, but maybe there is hope for some sort of change.
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